Amherst, NY – Local grad student Naureen Nayak, a homely young woman in possession of her parents’ HBO Go password, has been inexplicably laid six Sundays in a row according to friends and neighbors. “I just don’t get it,” mused neighbor Ryan Majewski. “Naureen is unfuckable even by drunk-male standards. Yet I heard her banging through the wall every Sunday for the last two months.”
“I’m so proud of Naureen,” glowed long-time friend Andrea Brown.“She’s overcome acne, halitosis, and her horrible ear-shrieking laugh to grow into confident, sexually empowered woman.”
Nayak herself credits recent changes in her appearance for the sudden shift in male attention: “I really think it’s my new bangs,” Nayak explained. “I got this haircut six weeks ago and it’s been a totally different game ever since.”
