Burlington, Vermont – What started off as a perfectly normal Tuesday morning at the Main Street Delicatessen was turned upside down when U.S. Senator Bernie Sanders first ordered, then returned, a cup of lobster bisque soup. The soup, according to the Vermont Junior Senator, was just too damn hot.
“It’s soup, it’s supposed to be hot,” explained incredulous Main Street Deli waitress Joan Smith, who served Mr. Sanders the soup in question. “Most people like it that way. What I don’t understand is why he insisted on sending it back instead of just waiting a bit for it to cool down. It was bizarre.”
Despite the criticism from the former presidential candidate, Main Street Deli owner Sam Paul has no plans to change any of his establishment’s soup practices. “Bernie may be the most famous Vermonter, but I’ve been in this business my whole life and never had a single complaint about my soup temperature. Our hot soups are one of our biggest sellers and the bisque, in particular, is famous in these parts. All I can think is the fame and power have gone to Bernie’s head. If he wants to be treated like Beyoncé, let him go get soup with his fancy Hollywood liberal friends. He’s no longer welcome at the Main Street Deli!”
When reached for comment, Senator Sanders assured reporters that the soup in question was “scalding.” “This soup, I tell you it almost burned the roof of my mouth clean off! I love a good cup of hot soup as much as much as any hard-working blue-collar fixed-income American family, but I tell ya’ this was beyond anything I’ve ever experienced. There’s no telling where this country is headed if we continue down the path of overheating our soups… Also, did I mention it was a smidge too salty?’” Sanders then bellowed to no one in particular, “and can someone turn up the heat in here!? I’m freezing my tuckus off!”
