Saturday, December 21, 2024

Adorable! Millions of Wild Rats Gather To Fuck At Sizzler While Humans Stuck At Home

Tacoma, WA - While most restaurants remain open for delivery or takeout, many states have now ordered-closed all buffet-style dining establishments as part of the effort to curb the spread of Covid 19, E. Coli, and the acute depression brought on by tasting artificial crab meat for the first time. In addition to the obvious benefits to...

Endorsement: Mike Bloomberg Is The Only Candidate With The Integrity And Resources To Keep Paying Us After He Loses

We at Whiskeyleaks have worked hard to establish a reputation for integrity and truth-seeking in our hard-hitting journalism. We've always found it best to avoid political affiliations as not to give our critics ammunition with which to impugn our objectivity. However, this presidential election is different. The stakes have never been higher and we quite literally cannot...

F*cket List! 10 Sex Things Every Person Should Try Before They Die

Sex is great, but with everything going on these days (looking at you, #metoo movement), most of the good sex things are off the table. But fear not! we've compiled a list of probably-legal and oh-so-exciting twists on your favorite activity: pounding. So even if you never got the chance to roofie-and-romp, you can still have a sexually deviant...

OP-ED: I Am an Independent, Impartial Judge of Beer

By Bart O'Kavanaugh I was deeply honored to stand at the White House July 9 with my wife, Whatsherface, and my daughters, they know who they are, to accept President Trump’s nomination to succeed my former boss and total fucking madman Justice Anthony Kennedy, on the United States Supreme Court of Beer. My mom, who I call Mom—one of the...

LAPD “Lip Sync Challenge” Ruined When Black Camera Man Shot By Cadet

Police departments across the nation have made great strides in lightening their image in recent weeks by participating in the online viral "police lip sync challenge." By showing the soft and silly side of the Nation's law-enforcement officers, the challenge has succeeded in easing racial tensions and connecting officers to the communities they serve. Sadly, those efforts hit a...

Matt Damon Rumored To Play 4 Thai Navy Seals In Upcoming Cave-Rescue Film

Burbank, CA - Just hours after news broke that all 12 members of the Wild Boar soccer team, along with their coach, have been rescued from a cave in Thailand after two harrowing weeks, Legendary Entertainment has already secured the film rights to the story. Even more intriguing was a tweet from Matt Damon agent Patrick Whitesell revealing that the Goodwill...

Genius! This “Tinder For Incels” Will Stalk And Verbally Abuse Women BEFORE They Even Reject You

Dating can be exhausting when you're an incel. After swiping left on 90 percent of Tinder profiles because the prospects are too fat, too tall, too ethnic, too old, too successful, too sexually experienced, wear too much make-up, have tattoos, are on a dating site, or have an inadequate hip-to-waist ratio; you are left with only a few acceptable...

Internet Divided Over Whether Yanni Sounds Like Music Or Ear Torture

Just three years ago, a debate over the color of a dress nearly broke the internet. Now, a four-second audio clip of the Greek keyboardist known as "Yanni" has sparked an even fiercer debate; leaving best friends questioning each others’ sanity, 20-year marriages ending, and in a few cases, people emptying bottles of Drano into their own ears. Listen to...

Science Explains Why Tide Pods Taste Like Cilantro To Some, Soap To Others

Enthusiasts of the flavor of Tide Pods often compare its aromatic aftertaste, to that of the fresh crisp, universally adored herb cilantro. Thanks to extensive recent experimentation conducted by pre-teens on Youtube, scientists have finally learned why Tide Pods taste like cilantro for some 4-14 percent of the population. These "supertasters" merely possess a more refined palate than the rest...