Matt Damon Rumored To Play 4 Thai Navy Seals In Upcoming Cave-Rescue Film
Burbank, CA - Just hours after news broke that all 12 members of the Wild Boar soccer team, along with their coach, have been rescued from a cave in Thailand after two harrowing weeks, Legendary Entertainment has already secured the film rights to the story. Even more intriguing was a tweet from Matt Damon agent Patrick Whitesell revealing that the Goodwill...
HBO Promises More Diversity In Season 8 Of Game of Thrones
In response to a recent barrage of criticism regarding the lack of diversity found on hit show Game of thrones, HBO head of programming Scott Garrett announced Friday that significant casting changes are in store for the upcoming 8th season of the show. "We at HBO are fully committed to diversity in our programming," Garret explained. "And it has...
O.J. Relieved To Finally Be Away From All Those Black People
After serving nine years in prison following his conviction for a 2007 armed robbery, newly released hall-of-fame running back O.J. Simpson reported Sunday that he is greatly relieved to finally be away from all those black people. "Here's the thing they don't tell you about prison," O.J. told reporters from his Brentwood golf course. "It's full of black people....
The New Yorker Sues Make-A-Wish Foundation Over Guarantee Andy Borowitz Had 3 Months To Live
New York, NY - Attorneys for The New Yorker magazine filed suit Monday against Make-A-Wish Foundation, alleging the charitable organization falsely promised in 2012 that "satirical" news writer Andy Borowitz had only three months to live. The New Yorker claims they detrimentally relied on this promise when they allowed Borowitz to begin publishing his god-awful attempts at satire on...
President Comforts Nation With Fireside Tweets
Palm Beach, FL - In an effort to calm an increasingly panicked nation, President Trump announced Thursday his plan to address his fellow citizens directly with a series of evening “Fireside Tweets” in which he will explain in nuanced detail the causes of our present crisis and the steps that must be taken to end it. He...
Lena Dunham: “Some of My Best Friends Are Women”
Self-proclaimed feminist Lena Dunham has found herself in the midst of a yet another messy controversy following comments she made on twitter Monday defending her friend and co-worker Murray Miller after he was accused of rape by an actress, who was 17 at the time. The collective outrage toward Dunham did, however, seem to subside after the "Girls" creator...
Brian Dennehy Accused of Groping HoneyBaked Ham
Woodstock, CT - Yet another Hollywood figure has come under fire for inappropriate touching following new accusations that beloved character-actor Brian Dennehy groped a HoneyBaked ham at Thanksgiving dinner Thursday.
"It was disgusting," reported Dennehy's niece Sandy who was preparing her own dinner plate only a few feet away from Dennehy at the time of the alleged assault."Before he cut...
God Insists Alex Trebek Put Prayer In Form of Question
Culver City, CA - Still reeling from his recent diagnoses with stage-4 pancreatic cancer, beloved quiz-show host Alex Trebek was dismayed Friday when God answered his morning prayer by insisting that he rephrase it in the form of a question.
"Please, Father, don't let me die from cancer," Trebek humbly prayed. "If...
Teen Fatalities Mount In Wake of Viral “Military Enlistment” Challenge
Corpus Christi, TX - Parents of teens across the nation were frantic Thursday as they struggled to understand the deadly consequences of the newest online viral challenge sweeping the web: Enlisting in the United States Military.
"It's both frightening and sad," lamented Mother of three, Kim Pearce, who was forced by the new trend to sit down with her 18-year-old son...
Woody Allen: We Can’t Create An Atmosphere Where Every Girl Cries ‘Rape’ Just ’cause She Slept With Her Dad And Later Regretted It
Beverly Hills, CA - During a rare interview with Variety, legendary director Woody Allen commented for the first time on the Harvey Weinstein sex-abuse scandal which has rocked Hollywood to its core. "It's very tragic for the poor women involved," Allen explained. "But you also don't want to create an atmosphere where every girl cries rape just 'cause she...