Scaramucci Perfect Gentleman at 6-year-old daughter’s Tea Party
Long Island, NY - Newly appointed White House Communications Director Anthony Scaramucci shocked observers Friday afternoon when he behaved like a perfect gentleman at the back-yard tea party he attended with his 6-year-old daughter and her friends. Witnesses reported hearing not a single cuss, insult, or death threat from Scaramucci at any point during the lovely event. "Yeah, I...
Inspiring! US Announces Transition, Comes Out As Authoritarian Kleptocracy
After much speculation, The United States of America has officially come out as an Authoritarian Kleptocracy. In an interview with ABC News' Diane Sawyer which will air this Friday evening, the former democratic republic confirmed what many had long suspected: "I believe that checks and balances are inefficient and counter-productive," The U.S. stated. "And I don't care who knows...
EPA Goes On Bender; Drunk-Dials Ex
Washington D.C. - After months of escalating abuse, friends and family of the EPA reported Thursday that the agency finally snapped and went on an epic 2-day bender culminating in an embarrassing series of calls and texts to its ex. "It was a terrible thing to witness" said the State Department Monday. "After all the booze and coke was...