Zionsville, IN – In a totally unexpected ordeal, local IT project manager Patrick Leaming struggled with how to deflect blame after inviting obnoxious asshole Bill Gowing to a friend’s house party Friday night. “I didn’t think he would actually show up,” an exacerbated Leaming explained to reporters. “I hadn’t seen the guy in years and randomly ran into him at the oil-change place. He asked what I was doing this weekend so I mentioned the party. But who actually comes to a party where they don’t know anybody?” Witnesses reported consistent drunk asshole behavior from Gowing including touching women he does not know on the shoulder and waist, taking over the music without permission, and lecturing party-goers on the futility of engaging in the political process. “I’m completely fucked,” Leaming told reporters. “I could try to blame the host for feeding him all those shots, but he already told everyone he was my friend.” As of press-time, Leaming was reportedly still waiting for Gowing to finish explaining to party-goers why Asian girls make the best girlfriends so that he could put the stupid fuck in an Uber and go home.
