Thailand – Following a missed opportunity to use his high-tech, boy-sized, and unmistakably phallic submarine to traffic a group of eleven athletic young Thai boys trapped in a cave to safety; an ambitious engineer is turning to an age-old method of enticement: Candy!
“I designed the submarine for this specific purpose. I consulted parents for measurements of their prepubescent sons and fabricated the ideal aerodynamic, tubular casing to safely penetrate the cave’s small opening,” the whimsical SpaceX billionaire explained. “So you can imagine my disappointment when I was told that more primitive measures of extraction would be used. What kind of creep spends years becoming an expert cave diver and happens to be available to rescue eleven healthy Thai boys? He obviously has ulterior motives.”
The pallid inventor hasn’t given up on seeing how perfectly a boy from Thailand can fit inside his tiny booth. He was reportedly seen tossing sweets and holding grand raffles around nearby playgrounds and soccer fields in Bangkok.
