Washington D.C. – Despite resistance from Senate Democrats, it appears likely that the confirmation of Supreme Court Justice nominee Brett Kavanaugh will create unprecedented diversity among the court’s sexual predators.
“While I oppose the appointment of any justice made simply on the basis of his status as a sexual predator, Justice Kavanaugh just happens to be fully qualified for the position,” opined Associate Justice Clarence Thomas. “There’s nothing wrong with a little diversity, as long as it comes about naturally after an unbiased evaluation of a candidate’s merits. Men should be judged on their actions, not on some arbitrary category they fit into.”
While Justice Thomas minimized the significance of having a high court comprised of 22% sexual predator, one black and one white, the milestone did not escape the attention of the 42nd president of the United States. “The appointment of Judge Kavanaugh will do much to bridge the racial divide which still plagues our nation,” Mr. Clinton advised. “No matter if a man is black or white, Latino or Asian, Muslim or Jew, we all the know what it’s like to live with the fear of that chick you crept on suddenly showing up and ruining your life. That, my friends, is empathy. And only empathy will save us.”
