North Hollywood, CA – Resisting the urge to work on his two unfinished feature screenplays, unemployed writer Mark Patterson polished off a stellar re-write of his humble yet iconic Oscar acceptance speech on Tuesday.
“Luck is for the ill-prepared,” explained the Connecticut native who recently quit his job as an Apple Genius after realizing his genius was not being appreciated. “I’m not going to be one of those amateurs who freezes on stage like a deer in headlights when they win Best Original Screenplay. I’m going to thank Mamet, Tarantino, and the godless chaotic universe that forged my vision. Also, if I have an agent by then, I’ll probably thank him.”
Patterson, who has placed both his Vlad the Impaler biopic and his dark comedy about opioid addiction on hold until completion of the speech, reiterated his belief that the most essential thing a writer can possess is a high standard of quality: “I wrote a short for this USC film student,” Patterson recalled. “But it was so poorly executed that I would never speak its name lest I be associated with its banality. Also, the director never sent me a copy.”
