Los Angeles, CA – In stark contrast to the countless unrequested penile photographs with which she was previously inundated, local hostess Sarah Halicki was pleasantly surprised to receive an aesthetically pleasing dick-pic Thursday night. “I typically hate dick-pics,” Halicki explained. “They are a gross and offensive manifestation of male privilege and aggression. But I have to admit, this last one was quite fetching.” Witnesses described the dick-pic as both “mysterious” and “regal.” “The use of shadow and hard light was unlike anything I’ve seen before,” reported co-worker Anna McFadden. “Whoever staged that photo is a master of both low-angle high-contrast photography and maintaining an erection for extended periods of time.” “It’s still not okay that he sent it without asking me first,” Halicki insisted. “But I’ll be damned if there isn’t just something pleasant, warm and reassuring about that cock.”
